Monday, May 20, 2013

Better Late Than Never

I may or may not be a little bit late posting my One Word 365 for 2013.

By five months and twenty days...to be exact.

And to be honest i really have no reasonable excuse, although i do have some really valid explanations. On December 16, 2012, the world as i know it came to a screeching halt. My husband of 21 years informed me that he wanted a divorce. Two days later he told me there was someone else, then he proceeded to move in with her.

To be brutally honest, i was not shocked that he wanted out of the marriage. We had been separated for nearly four years and had been able to be reconciled, yet i knew over the past four to five months things were not as they should be. I could feel the apathy and lack of intimacy in general.

I was totally unprepared for the announcement that he was seeing someone else. That piece of information was devastating, and completely unexpected.

Initially i was so angry that i blamed him for the entire break up. Everything was his fault.

"If he hadn't been having a relationship with her, then we would still be together."

Right?

Wrong!

Which is what brings me to my one word 365...SUBMIT...my role in the destruction of our marriage and many other relationships is my inability (or refusal) to submit. I have always been a bit on the rebellious or defiant side or the spectrum. These are just a few of my favorite fighting words;

"You are not my father!"

"Who are you to tell me what to do?"

"I can do whatever i want to!"

"Why do i have to respect your boundaries when you don't consider mine?"

What i forgot all about was that the relationship was not just about me, or my feelings. When we enter into a marriage or a relationship, friendship or whatever the case may be, we are supposed to submit to one another in love.

       "Now as the church submitto Christ, so also wives should submit to their    husbands in everything." Ephesians 5:24

     "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." Ephesians 5:21

Admittedly, being unable or unwilling to submit is one of my biggest struggles. It is also the biggest thing that God is dealing with me on at this point in my life. I recently destroyed a very good friendship, one that had the potential of becoming more, because i could not honor his boundaries. I could not honor them because they reminded me too much of my husband, which in turn reminded me too much of my father, which is another story altogether. 

I am not okay with this.

I am broken by the loss of this friendship.

So it is out of love and respect for this friendship that i vow to work even harder to figure out and learn how to submit to the ones i love.

Not because it is a form of punishment.

Or it means that i am less than them.

But because it shows them they are more.