I may or may not be a little bit late posting my One Word 365 for 2013.
By five months and twenty days...to be exact.
And to be honest i really have no reasonable excuse, although i do have some really valid explanations. On December 16, 2012, the world as i know it came to a screeching halt. My husband of 21 years informed me that he wanted a divorce. Two days later he told me there was someone else, then he proceeded to move in with her.
To be brutally honest, i was not shocked that he wanted out of the marriage. We had been separated for nearly four years and had been able to be reconciled, yet i knew over the past four to five months things were not as they should be. I could feel the apathy and lack of intimacy in general.
I was totally unprepared for the announcement that he was seeing someone else. That piece of information was devastating, and completely unexpected.
Initially i was so angry that i blamed him for the entire break up. Everything was his fault.
"If he hadn't been having a relationship with her, then we would still be together."
Right?
Wrong!
Which is what brings me to my one word 365...SUBMIT...my role in the destruction of our marriage and many other relationships is my inability (or refusal) to submit. I have always been a bit on the rebellious or defiant side or the spectrum. These are just a few of my favorite fighting words;
"You are not my father!"
"Who are you to tell me what to do?"
"I can do whatever i want to!"
"Why do i have to respect your boundaries when you don't consider mine?"
What i forgot all about was that the relationship was not just about me, or my feelings. When we enter into a marriage or a relationship, friendship or whatever the case may be, we are supposed to submit to one another in love.
"Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." Ephesians 5:24
"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." Ephesians 5:21
Admittedly, being unable or unwilling to submit is one of my biggest struggles. It is also the biggest thing that God is dealing with me on at this point in my life. I recently destroyed a very good friendship, one that had the potential of becoming more, because i could not honor his boundaries. I could not honor them because they reminded me too much of my husband, which in turn reminded me too much of my father, which is another story altogether.
I am not okay with this.
I am broken by the loss of this friendship.
So it is out of love and respect for this friendship that i vow to work even harder to figure out and learn how to submit to the ones i love.
Not because it is a form of punishment.
Or it means that i am less than them.
But because it shows them they are more.
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Monday, May 20, 2013
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Tenth Avenue North - Losing (NEW RADIO version with LYRICS!)
God is speaking these words into my heart today. What is He speaking into yours?
Choosing Joy,
Pamela
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Where One Word 365 and People of The Second Chance Collide
It is so hard to believe this year is already more than half over.
The days have flown by like a leaf on the wind.
Gone, but not forgotten.
I have been thinking about my One Word 365 choice for 2012 a lot lately. Even more so today following our conversation last night on the People of the Second Chance live chat on twitter.
The questions asked by @potsc have really coincided with how I am listening to God and He has been speaking to me.
POTSC @POTSC
The days have flown by like a leaf on the wind.
Gone, but not forgotten.
I have been thinking about my One Word 365 choice for 2012 a lot lately. Even more so today following our conversation last night on the People of the Second Chance live chat on twitter.
The questions asked by @potsc have really coincided with how I am listening to God and He has been speaking to me.
POTSC
Have you ever been betrayed? #potsclive
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Nothing to Say
The past 12 months have been crazy.
To say the least.
This time last year, I decided to join my friend Alece in her One Word 2011 Challenge. I thought about and prayed about what one word God had for me in 2011.
(We) came up with CHANGE.
I had no idea what I was in for.
I started college (again) at age 42, jumped through so many hoops trying to get our son, Joseph, the assistance he needs to function well and integrate with society. He has autism. Graduated our oldest son, Allen-Michael, from high school and into college life & responsibilities. I had shoulder surgery. Shawn had a cardiac event that led to him having surgery to remove a HUGE blood clot from the radial artery in his arm. all the while maintaining a 4.0 GPA, and as president of MASO and secretary of our Student Ambassadors.
You may be thinking: Wow, what a braggart! Overachiever! Why are you telling us this???
Well, here's why. I was feeling really pretty good about myself, as you might imagine. All the way until the beginning of November when I attended the Women of Faith conference. I really felt like God was speaking to me that weekend. So many great speakers with so much wisdom to share.
I was so convicted by Patsy Clairmont and her words on talking too much.(ouch)
Not letting other people shine. (guilty as charged)
The problem is that I didn't listen. (and i should have)
As many of you know, I am just finishing my program as a Medical Assistant. Part of that program is to participate in a student externship at the site of a working lab or physicians office. I was placed at a physicians office. I thought things were going great. Then I received a phone call from our externship coordinator.
I was FIRED from the site.
For making an unnecessary (albeit true) comment.
I was devastated. But my instructors were working with me because of my past history, grades, citizenship and so on, so they placed me at a new site. I loved it. It was at a medical group with a lab. I was able to get experience in all kinds of areas. I thought to myself, "things are finally going great".
Then I got the phone call. Once again I was being fired from my site for an unnecessary comment. This time there was to be no finishing the externship. I flunked the class and will have to retake it.
I am humbled.
In hindsight, I can see the importance of this discipline, right now, in this moment. I can also see how this could have been avoided if I had just LISTENED to Patsy.(God-using little ol' Patsy)
So, my OneWord365 is LISTEN.
Merriam Webster defines the word listen as: to hear something with thoughtful attention: give consideration. Synonyms include: attend, hark, hearken, hear, heed, mind.
These are all great words to help me focus, and use on a daily basis.
I am praying that 2012 will continue to bring change and show me ways to listen with my Fathers ears and heart.
"Wise men store up knowledge, but the mouth of a fool invites ruin." Proverbs 10:14
Choosing Joy,
Pamela
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Over The Top
I have to say it.
The Women of Faith conference chose THE most appropriate title for their Kansas City, Missouri conference when they chose:
OVER THE TOP!
I do not even know where to start sharing the fabulousness of the past weekend. The speakers and musicians were as unbelievably unique and talented as they were diverse.
First, though, I have to share with you how I ended up at the Kansas City conference. As many of you know, I am a Booksneeze Blogger for Thomas Nelson Publishing. When the opportunity came up to apply to attend the Woman of Faith conference as a BB, I immediately jumped on it. I never really thought that they would pick me, but they did. The event I chose to attend, however, was in August and in Indianapolis, Indiana. The event date was the 18-19th, and on August 10th I had to have emergency surgery on my shoulder to repair a torn rotator cuff. Needless to say, attending the Indianpolis event was out of the question for me. I was devastated. I talked to the kind people at Booksneeze and Women of Faith. I was allowed to transfer my tickets to the Kansas City event. At the time, I had no idea why things would turn out the way they did. Now I can see that God's timing is perfect and I was supposed to be at this event, with my sister-in-law Stephanie, and hear these speakers and their messages.
Andy Andrews was straight up hilarious. I have not laughed that hard in a very long time. My ribs still ache four days later. Andy is a motivational speaker and best-selling author. He uses Godly principles to help people find and achieve their purpose in life. For all of Andy's A.D.D. and antics, he is a very wise guy. My favorite quote from him is this:
Sandi Patty, Patsy Clairmont, Lisa Welchel, Brenda Warner and the fabulous Mandisa all seemed to be expressing a similar message. One that I believe God has been trying to get me to hear for awhile and I am just now beginning to receive. I am a little dense sometimes and have to be hit over the head with it before it sinks in.
There is much to be said about being quiet.
To quote dear, sweet, Patsy "SHUT UP! In Jesus Name." Proverbs 29:20 says "Do you see someone who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than for them."
I really think God overtook Patsy's little body that day and was speaking directly to me. Then Lisa started talking about friendship. How to be a friend as well as find one that is suitable for you.
WOW! Talk about a wake up call. I am not a very trusting friend. Sure, I will let you in to a certain extent, but the really hard stuff...NOPE. I have really been hurt before and it is hard to trust after that. It is really no excuse, but there you have it. I also get anxious and say stupid things to show how "intelligent" I am. You know...that I am observant of my friends likes and dislikes, etc. then I really stick my foot in it.
So, along those lines, I have a confession to make. Most of you know I am a twitter-a-holic. One of my favorite tweeps is Mandisa. (@MandisaOfficial) I was so blessed to meet Mandisa at Women of Faith. I was so excited. Not for the usual reasons, though. Not because she is a fabulous and award-winning singer. (although that is so true) Not because she was on American Idol and gave Simon amazing grace after he was so incredibly rude to her. The reason I was so excited is because she is so positive and joyful. Mandisa is a role model for me because she has overcome crazy obstacles in life and come out so much better for what she has been through. I owe her a HUGE apology. She was so lovely, came up and gave me a hug once she found out who I was. Like the dork that I am, I made a seriously stupid comment on something that I had no business commenting on.
On that note, Mandisa, I am so, so, sorry for my lack of judgement. Please forgive me. God is truly dealing with me and my learning to turn on the filter. It has been a hard learned, but much needed lesson.
Regardless of my major faux pas, I am so thankful for the opportunity to attend and learn from these amazing teachers. I think Amy Grant summed up the experience perfectly in the lyrics from her song "Better than a Hallelujah:"
*Thomas Nelson {Booksneeze} and Women of Faith provided complimentary event tickets for myself and a friend in exchange for review of aforementioned event.
The Women of Faith conference chose THE most appropriate title for their Kansas City, Missouri conference when they chose:
OVER THE TOP!
I do not even know where to start sharing the fabulousness of the past weekend. The speakers and musicians were as unbelievably unique and talented as they were diverse.
First, though, I have to share with you how I ended up at the Kansas City conference. As many of you know, I am a Booksneeze Blogger for Thomas Nelson Publishing. When the opportunity came up to apply to attend the Woman of Faith conference as a BB, I immediately jumped on it. I never really thought that they would pick me, but they did. The event I chose to attend, however, was in August and in Indianapolis, Indiana. The event date was the 18-19th, and on August 10th I had to have emergency surgery on my shoulder to repair a torn rotator cuff. Needless to say, attending the Indianpolis event was out of the question for me. I was devastated. I talked to the kind people at Booksneeze and Women of Faith. I was allowed to transfer my tickets to the Kansas City event. At the time, I had no idea why things would turn out the way they did. Now I can see that God's timing is perfect and I was supposed to be at this event, with my sister-in-law Stephanie, and hear these speakers and their messages.
Andy Andrews was straight up hilarious. I have not laughed that hard in a very long time. My ribs still ache four days later. Andy is a motivational speaker and best-selling author. He uses Godly principles to help people find and achieve their purpose in life. For all of Andy's A.D.D. and antics, he is a very wise guy. My favorite quote from him is this:
"Fear is nothing but a misuse of the creative imagination God has placed inside of you."
For me, that is a huge realization. I learned much from Andy. As the only male speaker on the tour, his perspective was a treat.Sandi Patty, Patsy Clairmont, Lisa Welchel, Brenda Warner and the fabulous Mandisa all seemed to be expressing a similar message. One that I believe God has been trying to get me to hear for awhile and I am just now beginning to receive. I am a little dense sometimes and have to be hit over the head with it before it sinks in.
There is much to be said about being quiet.
To quote dear, sweet, Patsy "SHUT UP! In Jesus Name." Proverbs 29:20 says "Do you see someone who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than for them."
I really think God overtook Patsy's little body that day and was speaking directly to me. Then Lisa started talking about friendship. How to be a friend as well as find one that is suitable for you.
WOW! Talk about a wake up call. I am not a very trusting friend. Sure, I will let you in to a certain extent, but the really hard stuff...NOPE. I have really been hurt before and it is hard to trust after that. It is really no excuse, but there you have it. I also get anxious and say stupid things to show how "intelligent" I am. You know...that I am observant of my friends likes and dislikes, etc. then I really stick my foot in it.
So, along those lines, I have a confession to make. Most of you know I am a twitter-a-holic. One of my favorite tweeps is Mandisa. (@MandisaOfficial) I was so blessed to meet Mandisa at Women of Faith. I was so excited. Not for the usual reasons, though. Not because she is a fabulous and award-winning singer. (although that is so true) Not because she was on American Idol and gave Simon amazing grace after he was so incredibly rude to her. The reason I was so excited is because she is so positive and joyful. Mandisa is a role model for me because she has overcome crazy obstacles in life and come out so much better for what she has been through. I owe her a HUGE apology. She was so lovely, came up and gave me a hug once she found out who I was. Like the dork that I am, I made a seriously stupid comment on something that I had no business commenting on.
On that note, Mandisa, I am so, so, sorry for my lack of judgement. Please forgive me. God is truly dealing with me and my learning to turn on the filter. It has been a hard learned, but much needed lesson.
Regardless of my major faux pas, I am so thankful for the opportunity to attend and learn from these amazing teachers. I think Amy Grant summed up the experience perfectly in the lyrics from her song "Better than a Hallelujah:"
"Beautiful the mess we are,
the honest cries,
and breaking hearts,
are better than a hallelujah sometimes."
*Thomas Nelson {Booksneeze} and Women of Faith provided complimentary event tickets for myself and a friend in exchange for review of aforementioned event.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
25 Random Things About Me....
I posted this on Facebook and decide to follow my friend Deanna's lead and post it here as well.
1. I've found my parents are a lot smarter now that I'm 40 than I thought they were when I was 16.
2. Absolutely NOTHING is more important than family. (after God of course)
3. I do not own a car, home, or anything else that is a tangible sign of success, yet I have never been happier. I truly believe the more you have the more you want. Its enough that I have what I NEED!
4. I love all things pink:). Handbags, clothes, straws....you get the idea.
5. Baking is as intrinisic to my soul as being a child of God is. Its therapeutic for me. It is something I can start and finish and see the results of my efforts almost immediately.
6. I wll read just about anything. I Heart going to the library and once I find an author that intrigues me, I will read their entire collection of work. Jeanette Oke, Patricia Cornwell, James patterson, Robin Cook, Max Lucado, and Stephenie Meyer are among my Favs.
7. I lived on the campus of Ozark Christian College when I was in High School. I did not appreciate that advantage nearly as much then as I do now. I have had the opportunity to fellowship with some of the most prolific christian people in the world.
8. I am completely and utterly in love with my sons.(AKA The Brothers) I did not think it was possible to love anyone as much as I love them. (I still can't get over the fact that A.M. is a sophomore in HS and in Drivers Ed.)( Really, I'm too young for that)
9. If I had the opportunity to have a "do over" in life, there is very little I would do differently. Its all the stuff in life that I have been through that makes me, me.
10. I am a huge fan of PJ's. not so much of nighties.
11. I still sleep with the same blankie I have had since I was in 2nd grade and not the least bit ashamed of it. It reminds me of the suits Dad used to wear when I was little and would sit in church and rub the corners of his jacket tween my fingers. I really miss him:(.
12. I could seriously eat mexican food every day of the week! Chevys and Hacienda are my favs...El maguey and El Bra are close followers.
13. I cannot stand to eat jelly, cooked spinach, greens, or fish:). I am not real adventurous with trying new foods, unless I'm the one preparing it:). (could that be a control issue? hmmm...)
14. I love technology. Am completely and totally addicted to Facebook, Twitter, and blogging! (specially reading my friends blogs)
15. I have to have Diet Coke on a daily basis. I get the DT's really bad if I don't...its serious.
16. Music is essential. All genres (cept maybe not so much rap) Music takes me to places I've been, people I've known and where I want to be.
17. I want a man to love me, just as I am, warts and all, and treat me like a queen. Like I am the smartest, funniest, most beautiful person he knows. I want a man who loves Christ more than he loves me.
18. I have a very demented sense of humor...I find the funny in most things in life. Sometimes its probably not appropriate, but I jsut can't help it! Oh...and I cannot type the word jsut....
19. I have to participate in life. i can't jsut sit back and watch. Its who I am.
20. I am a fruitloop in a world of cheerios.
21. I used to model wedding gowns and formal attire when I was in jr high.
22. I feel more pretty now, at 40 , than I ever did at 20. I've grown into my skin and realized its way more about whats inside than what I look like outside.
23. My favorite song ever is "More" by Matt West. closely followed by "Something to Say" by the same.
24. The best concert I've ever been witness to is "Behold the Lamb of God" by Andrew Peterson and friends. Bar none the tops!
25. I've been kissed by David Coverdale of Whitesnake fame.
25.1. I am a child of God. Nothing in THIS world will ever top that:).
1. I've found my parents are a lot smarter now that I'm 40 than I thought they were when I was 16.
2. Absolutely NOTHING is more important than family. (after God of course)
3. I do not own a car, home, or anything else that is a tangible sign of success, yet I have never been happier. I truly believe the more you have the more you want. Its enough that I have what I NEED!
4. I love all things pink:). Handbags, clothes, straws....you get the idea.
5. Baking is as intrinisic to my soul as being a child of God is. Its therapeutic for me. It is something I can start and finish and see the results of my efforts almost immediately.
6. I wll read just about anything. I Heart going to the library and once I find an author that intrigues me, I will read their entire collection of work. Jeanette Oke, Patricia Cornwell, James patterson, Robin Cook, Max Lucado, and Stephenie Meyer are among my Favs.
7. I lived on the campus of Ozark Christian College when I was in High School. I did not appreciate that advantage nearly as much then as I do now. I have had the opportunity to fellowship with some of the most prolific christian people in the world.
8. I am completely and utterly in love with my sons.(AKA The Brothers) I did not think it was possible to love anyone as much as I love them. (I still can't get over the fact that A.M. is a sophomore in HS and in Drivers Ed.)( Really, I'm too young for that)
9. If I had the opportunity to have a "do over" in life, there is very little I would do differently. Its all the stuff in life that I have been through that makes me, me.
10. I am a huge fan of PJ's. not so much of nighties.
11. I still sleep with the same blankie I have had since I was in 2nd grade and not the least bit ashamed of it. It reminds me of the suits Dad used to wear when I was little and would sit in church and rub the corners of his jacket tween my fingers. I really miss him:(.
12. I could seriously eat mexican food every day of the week! Chevys and Hacienda are my favs...El maguey and El Bra are close followers.
13. I cannot stand to eat jelly, cooked spinach, greens, or fish:). I am not real adventurous with trying new foods, unless I'm the one preparing it:). (could that be a control issue? hmmm...)
14. I love technology. Am completely and totally addicted to Facebook, Twitter, and blogging! (specially reading my friends blogs)
15. I have to have Diet Coke on a daily basis. I get the DT's really bad if I don't...its serious.
16. Music is essential. All genres (cept maybe not so much rap) Music takes me to places I've been, people I've known and where I want to be.
17. I want a man to love me, just as I am, warts and all, and treat me like a queen. Like I am the smartest, funniest, most beautiful person he knows. I want a man who loves Christ more than he loves me.
18. I have a very demented sense of humor...I find the funny in most things in life. Sometimes its probably not appropriate, but I jsut can't help it! Oh...and I cannot type the word jsut....
19. I have to participate in life. i can't jsut sit back and watch. Its who I am.
20. I am a fruitloop in a world of cheerios.
21. I used to model wedding gowns and formal attire when I was in jr high.
22. I feel more pretty now, at 40 , than I ever did at 20. I've grown into my skin and realized its way more about whats inside than what I look like outside.
23. My favorite song ever is "More" by Matt West. closely followed by "Something to Say" by the same.
24. The best concert I've ever been witness to is "Behold the Lamb of God" by Andrew Peterson and friends. Bar none the tops!
25. I've been kissed by David Coverdale of Whitesnake fame.
25.1. I am a child of God. Nothing in THIS world will ever top that:).
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